4 Ways We’re Screwing Up Sex In The West

Matt ClarkJun 24, 2015

We say we’re progressive… but are we really progressing? Here are 4 ways I think we’re screwing up sex in the West.

Sex is awesome. It’s the reason you clicked on this link. For most people, sexuality forms a massive part of our lives.

But the way we’re approaching it isn’t always awesome.

Just a warning if it wasn’t already obvious – this post contains mature written content and may contain some offensive material. You’ve been warned.

Probably all the more reason you want to read it. Here we go!

#1: Feeding trafficking

Oh boy. Trigger warning.

So I was talking to one of my friends in Thailand who is spending a lot of her time researching the growing number of parents turning their children into “ladyboys”, as well as quite a bit into the human trafficking that is going on over there. Without the child having any say, they are operated on, and/or often end up being used as prostitutes. My friend has found so far that one of the driving reasons parents do it is because they believe they will be able to generate more income for the family.

Children of every kind are sold into slavery from infancy in multiple parts of the world. Used to serve the needs of various “clients” and generate income for people who really don’t care about them at all. Used and abused, traded and treated like meat. It’s a big problem in our world today.

But one thing that always gets me is… why does this industry exist? It turns over millions and millions of dollars, but why?

I’ve written about it before in The Root Issue of Human Trafficking, but something I am super passionate about is actually talking about the source of problems like this.

It’s ultimately a relationship problem.

Many of the consumers of these services in Thailand and other countries are men. And many of them are Western men. And why does a super progressive, sexually liberated male need to make use of these services to get his fix?

Because obviously he isn’t getting what he needs back home.

Imagine how much better this world would be if he did. There would be much less reason for him to go looking for it in dark places that destroy people’s lives.

And without the demand, maybe the industry would die the death it deserves and our kids can keep their childhood.

#2: Contraception

This one will probably offend some people. But I feel like there’s a big element of the safe sex conversation that gets avoided. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for teaching safe sex and contraception. Education goes a long way to keeping people healthy and avoid diseases and all the rest of it.

But there has never been a condom invented that protects the heart.

In our “progressive” society, we have a large number of people who suffer as a result of a polygamous lifestyle. What, we can’t talk about this? I think we should. Sure, the person themselves may be doing okay, but how about their current partners? Or how about their children? So easy for us to cheat because we’ll be safe, or to form “casual” attachments cause “it doesn’t mean anything”.

But the deepest parts of us are always engaged in the act. Oxytocin is released, intimacy is created, and feelings can get messed up.

I feel like the spiritual and emotional aspects of our sexuality aren’t addressed by much of our education in this area, and I think a lot of people are really suffering for it.

#3: TV

I understand sex sells, but…

Sex dominates almost every TV show nowadays, and is portrayed in Hollywood, unrealistic fashion. Where multiple takes and makeup departments and choreographers are utilized to nail that perfect climax scene. Look at the line of massively popular TV shows at the moment with graphic sex as a core component of their programming – Game Of Thrones, Orange Is The New Black, Girls, True Blood – a lot of these even actively hire adult film stars for a number of their scenes. We’re constantly bombarded with unrealistic portrayals of the act.

Back in the day (like maybe even a few years ago), portrayals of sex weren’t as readily available as they are today. Any 5 year old can jump on their smart phone and be fed with all kinds of images. Australian media recently features a study that 12 year old girls are having rougher and harder sex. 12 year olds.

And I wonder how it affects our adult view of the sexual experience. I wonder if unrealistic, Hollywood style acrobatics have a similar educational on our grown minds.

Are we really helping our society by what we’re putting forward as entertainment?

#4: Marriage

You may be surprised to see this one here. But I think sex isn’t executed as well as it should be in the context most people expect it to be at its best.

One way we’re not really living it out is by withholding it. Sounds a bit weird, huh? Even the “strict and outdated” recommendations of Scripture tell married couples not to abstain, and even with the most spiritual reason, it shouldn’t be for a long period of time. To share of themselves. To not skip out on their partner’s needs.

Yet, so many times, sex is used as a bargaining chip or withheld in a game of emotional blackmail. The man or woman you love has a crucial element of their life denied. It allows separation to creep in. And unfortunately, when people aren’t getting what they need at home, they start looking elsewhere.

I’m not saying that it’s right, I’m just saying that’s what happens.

Another crazy reality in our society is sex’s perversion through domestic violence. Just… ugh.

But I think it’s because sexuality is a core part of our identity. And when people hate their identity, they start beating on the one closest to them. Their partner becomes a means of expression of their internal frustration.

All the more reason to make sure we’re on point in our sexuality. If you’re older than, I dunno, 11, it’s probably an area that needs healthy discussion and support.

I think marriage brings so many benefits to life, and when home is healthy, life is closer to what it should be. In some ways, a little taste of heaven on earth. But we let the dumb stuff creep in and tear us apart.

Sex should never be without love. That’s when we start to destroy it, destroy others, and destroy ourselves.

If we want to really make progress, we need to be a lot more honest about a lot more of these things.

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So… a lot of stuff huh? I’m sure you have your opinions on these things, but I’ve found myself in many conversations recently where a number of these issues continually come up. And these issues are a big deal. Massive. Sometimes dominating people’s entire lives. I just thought it was worthwhile being real about how we’re really doing as a society.

In the West, we pride ourselves in being advanced in so many areas. Sexuality is one we consider ourselves superior life forms in. I just think in a lot of ways, we’re really not progressive at all.

But we could be.

And just a quick update for those who’ve been following my house hunting adventures, I did lock in a new place and will be moving very soon. Exciting times 🙂

But how about you? What are your thoughts on some of these issues? Would love to hear from you.